Thursday, July 28, 2005

The Disappearing "Manly-Man"

Today, I was walking into my floor bathroom in my summer dorm, when I caught off-guard this guy who was trying to flex his muscles in front of a mirror. Startled, the guy suddenly turned on the sink and started to pretend that he was washing his hands and face, despite the fact that, judging from the towel he had wrapped around his waist, he was getting ready to head into the shower. Now, let's forget the fact that this guy is 5'2 and looks like a reject from "Blood In, Blood Out" . What was really funny about this encounter was that, while I was washing my own hands in an effort to remove some nasty ink from a pen that had exploded on me, he just kept on running his hands in the water, apparently waiting for me to leave. This went on for a literal 4 minutes. Once I noticed he was waiting for me, I decided that I was going to wash out every single little ink blotch that was on my hands, and took my sweet time doing it, too, just to torture him. Finally, after I decided that I had enough of the little game, I dried my hands and walked out, freeing him to do whatever he was going to do.

...At least for a couple of minutes...

I had to run back in the bathroom after my body suddenly realized that it had to pee, so, when I ran in, I just felt a breeze of air as this little brown blur ran from the sink area and into the shower. Before I could even ask myself what the hell was going on, it was then that I smelled IT...

...The unmistakable odor of Noxema cleansing cream.

That's right, people. Our little muscle man didn't want to be caught using a "girlie man" facewash. Because, God forbid that I see this stunning hunk of machismo cover his face with white eucalyptus cream. Hell, for all we know, he could've also sliced some cucumbers and placed those on his eyelids to "keep the bags away." After all, we all know how much of a social taboo it is to find out that a guy WASHES HIS FACE with something other than soap, for crying out loud!


Look, buddy. You don't have to make an ass of yourself to cover up the fact that you use Noxzema to wash your face. There's nothing wrong with taking care of yourself, y'know. I mean, we could do without you attempting to flex your muscles inside a public bathroom, but we'll leave that alone for now. Right now, just concern yourself with being proud of the fact that you maintain yourself. It doesn't make you any less of a man to do so.

Moral of this story? Be open and proud of what you do in your life and stop trying to pretend that you're fitting some damn norm. If you don't, well, then you'll eventually run into people like me who will just make you the butt of jokes for years to come.



Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just for the record, its cucumbers on your eyes, not limes. You want to sooth your eyes not sting the shit out of them.


9:57 AM  
Blogger djkibblesnbits said...

Look buddy...that's enough out of you. :-)

EDIT: "Limes" replaced with "cucumbers."

3:21 PM  
Blogger Freebird said...

You know, I read that "lime" line and thought it must be a new thing New Yorkers were doing. :-P

I like the picture, funny!

5:52 PM  
Blogger djkibblesnbits said...

"New thing that New Yorkers were doing?"

Are we really that strange to you? LOL. See, I was thinking "cucumbers" but I put "limes" instead, because, y'know, they're both green n all.

It doesn't take a genius to figure out that I've never done that before, hence why I got the wrong name for the green substance! :-)

6:59 PM  
Blogger Veronica said...

Limes are for the underarms. :)

1:51 PM  
Blogger Sally said...

Which do you use limes or cucumbers?

2:10 AM  
Blogger djkibblesnbits said...

LMAO, can we get off the "lime" thing? :-) Sheesh.

6:15 AM  
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12:02 PM  

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