Screetch..."You Pay Now!"

So...here's a question...

What happens when I get behind the wheel of a car for the first time in months, and feel as if the world was just one big open road, waiting for you to drive on it?

Everything comes crashing down. Or at the very least, a drunk Asian girl comes and fucking hits you in her '04 Audi.

Folks...I hadn't even had the car I had just rented from Enterprise for more than 12 hours before this bitch rams into my right rear passenger door, completely wrecking the entire right side of the car, and putting Zulay, Michelle, and Sarah just short of seeing their lives flash before their eyes.

You know what the sad part was? If I was going to die at that moment, I would've gone to my grave thinking, "Thank god I have enough room on my credit card to pay for the damage."

To simplify the whole thing for you...I was waiting at a red light on a two way street to take a left turn onto another two-way. When the light turned green, after looking to see if everything was clear, I committed to taking the left. Right in the middle of the whole thing, out of the corner of my eye, I see a blinding headlight coming towards me from the right. The shit came out of nowhere. I pressed on the gas pedal to accelerate through the turn. But my Ford Focus was no match for the speeding Audi '04. Especially after the car inexplicably swirved to the right, causing the car to hit us when it would've otherwise missed should the car had gone straight.

After I realized what had just happened, I looked to see if everyone was alright. Zulay, my co-pilot, was holding her right arm, fighting to hold back tears of pain and utter shock. Michelle was holding her head and was curled into a ball, still bracing for an impact that had long since passed. And Sarah, after shaking her head, looked at me and said, "I'm fine." I looked back to take a look at the bitch who had just hit me. I didn't even have to move much. The bitch was all up on my door.

"This is all your fault. You went when the light was red! You pay now!"

This little wiry Korean girl, the driver of the other car, was in my face, getting ready to cause holy hell for an accident that she damn sure caused. This Asian dude came from behind her and pushed her to the side, telling her to calm down.

"Dude, we had the right of way. You cut in front of us. Are you guys alright?"

Because of the shock, anger, and downright fear of what had just happened, I was in no position to counter with a credible argument. I just agreed and tried to work with the boyfriend to shut the little Korean bitch up. I just nodded and kept on looking back at Zulay and Michelle to see if they were alright. Hardly any damage was done to the Audi.

I didn't gain my senses until right when the girl said, "Just pay me $600, and I don't call the cops."

It was then that I caught a whiff of something. Liquor. On her breath.

Clue #1: Girl had liquor on her breath

"No, I'm not giving you $600. Let's get cops here to get this reported. We need to have this evaluated."

The girl was like, "Look, if the cops come, your ass is grass. They're going to find you guilty and destroy you. There's no way you can win. Just give me the money now, or you're going to work at McDonalds for the rest of your life."

And that's when I became Mr. "Get your Girlfriend off of Me Before I Knock This Bitch Out." It was a game that the boyfriend was only too happy to oblige in.

Eventually, we pushed the car over to another lot and waited for Syracuse Police and SU Public Safety to come over. The girl was trying to get me to commit to paying her money. I was like, "uh, no. First, let's get the damage evaluated, and then we go on from there." She was all in my face trying to get me to not only admit my guilt by paying her money, but also leaving my people high and dry without the benefit of her insurance coverage. I was only too happy to let the police come to determine who was at fault. The boyfriend walked her back to her car, and then came back to us to survey the damage, while he took a drag of a cigarette he shared with Zulay. The dude seemed cool. He explained that this wasn't exactly the best thing to happen to him and his girl; they had just gotten into a huge fight...

Clue #2: Driver was agitated.

I remember the girl kept on asking us if we had been drinking...uh, no bitch. She was then trying to say, "it's not good to have underage drinkers in the car." Uh...no bitch...none of us have been drinking. Stop confusing yourself for us.

Eventually, when the cops had come, we were all chillin. And then, we looked back, and saw that both the girl and the dude were being put on stretchers. All of a sudden, neither of them could move. I was like, "oh hell no!! These muthafuckas are frontin!" Zulay asked if she should throw up to get attention. I was screaming, "Hello?! We're the fucking ones who were hit!? Where the fuck is our attention!?" Public Safety had asked us if we were okay, and even though we were in pain, we all have learned to develop an incredible resistance to it. (I guess all those ass-whuppins our parents gave us) So, because we weren't acting like we had just been hit by a car four times, we weren't getting the attention quite like our counterparts in the other car, who KNEW they were being observed. As the night wore on, Zulay was taken to the hospital for precautionary measures. The other three of us turned down medical attention. I personally was running on too much adrenaline to get away. My only concern was making sure that the girl had a Breathalizer taken. When the cops came, I began lobbying for the test immediately. I was like, "Look, I'll take the shit, just give it to her before she heads to the hospital." The cops assured me that the hospital staff were going to look into it when she checked in. They took both my statement and her statement, and after talking with SU Public Safety, determined that no tickets could be issued, and that no one was at fault, but if anyone could be said to have real fault, it lies with the Korean girl because of the speed that she was going and the right hand turn that she made. Still, they made sure to tell me that the insurance companies are going to be the ones to battle over this case on their own, and they can determine who was at fault with their own little algorithms.

After a few more minutes or so, the cops had helped me to get my car back on, which had shut down its fuel tank immediately after getting such a hard throttle from the crash. I went to go pay a visit to ZuZu at the hospital to see how she was doing. Michelle was given a ride home from Public Safety, and Sarah went with ZuZu in the ambulance. So, when I got to the hospital, I chilled, waiting for the results from her exam, when Sarah and I saw the boyfriend walking out of the Emergency Room, rubbing his neck. He explained that the ambulance people him told him to go into strecher and made him not move. When asked about his girlfriend, he told us that she had just passed out from shock. We couldn't believe it. WE were the ones hit. When probed for more answers, the boyfriend told us to call her directly at some point, but to not look for answers through him. His reason?

"I just broke up with her. She told me to 'Fuck Off' just before she passed out. So, that's when I decided to leave."

Clue #3: Chick is crazy

An hour or so later, Zulay was reunited with us and we drove back home in the now beatup car. It was still ticking perfectly, from a mechanical statement.

So much for joyriding...There are a lot of questions that need to be asked and answered. I'll look at them all before the end of this...stay tuned.