Saturday, December 18, 2004

The Art of the Zu-Ray Conversation

It's no secret that when both my roommate, Zulay and I get together, all kinds of crazy antics ensue. Nonstop laughing, ridiculously random statements, and the occasional political observation are usually the signs of the patented "Zu-Ray" convo. Check out a perfect example of our unique dialogue.

Me: "Did you hear about that white woman who was killed and had her baby cut out of her womb?"
Zulay: "Nah"
Me: "Yeah, the baby survived"
Zu: "Of course"
Me: "And the woman died"
Zu: "Of course....Where did it happen?"
Me: "I'm not that sure. I only read the headline. You know it didn't happen in the city, though."
Zu: "Of course"
Me: "That's some fucked up shit, yo.....But, son, only white people can pull that kind of shit. Fucking tearing the kid out the womb...what kinda shit is that? Yo, when black and latino people kill people, they'll use guns, push you off a cliff, fucking push you into the tracks, and even hit you with a brick. But white people, they'll fucking kill you with a spoon. They'll stab you 15 times, and then tear out your stomach. What kinda shit is that?"
Zu: (laughs, nods)

(a minute passes)

Zu: "...Yo, what did you think of that Barbie doll?"
Me: "The one that was pregnant and had the stomach?"
Zu: "Yeah, yo."
Me: "I always thought that shit was hot. But I wondered how you took the baby out?"
Zu: (motions with hands) "Well, you popped off the stomach, of course."
Me: "Man, that's wack. What kinda message was that sending to kids? Fucking pop off the stomach, and POOF, you have a baby. It would've been cool if that shit came out like a real baby, and out the cooch."
Zu: (nods) "Yeah, yo."
Me: "But then Barbie would have a big ass cooch hole. Fucking Ken would have to stick his head in there to please her."
Zu: "Or use his feet." (motions with her leg)
Me: "They took that shit off the market, yo."
Zu: "Yeah, of course. We couldn't have that around."

(I walk away...30 seconds later)

Me: "You know, have you ever wondered who was the one that got Barbie pregnant? You know it wasn't Ken's gay ass. Barbie got around yo."
Zu: (laughs) "That ho"
Me: "You know she got with someone when Ken was away."
Zu: "Like who?"
Me: "G.I. Joe, yo."
Zu: (laughs) "But he's like three inches high, yo. He'd have to stick his entire body in there."
Me: "Nah, nah, I ain't talking about those little action figures. I'm talking about the original G.I. Joe. He came home from war and broke that bitch, while Ken was taking it up the ass from one of his "friends."
Zu: (laughs)
Me: "And you know he got to all of her people. You know he broke Barbie's little sister, too, Stacey."
Zu: (laughs) "And all of her other friends too... fucking Teresa ... Cindy ... and shit..."
Me: "Shiiitt...and he was pimpin' her car. He was like, 'Shit, this car might be pink, but fuck that, it's a Corvette.'"
Zu: (shakes her head)
Me: "And you know it didn't stop there. That bitch Barbie was a ho. You know she hooked up with someone else. Guess who?"
Zu: (laughs) "Who?"
Me: "The Ninja Turtles!"

(both of us laugh hysterically)

Me: "Shiiitt...them Ninja Turtles were from New York, son. What New Yorker says "Cowabunga?" It was from smashing Barbie's California ass!"

(falling off the sofa laughing hysterically)

Zu: "You know who I thought of when you said that?"
Me: "Nah, who?"
Zu: "You know...take a wild guess..."
Me: "Nah, who?"
Zu: "I ain't telling you, then."
Me: "C'mon, stop being a peanuthead and tell me."
Zu: "Exactly, you just said it."
Me: (puzzled look)
Zu: "Peanuthead...Omar?"
Me: "Ah....HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. He DOES look like a Ninja Turtle!"

(Both of us laugh for two minutes)

Zu: "Who was in the Ninja Turtles?" Leonardo, Michaelangelo, Donatello, and who else?"
Me: "And Omar."

(Another laugh session)

We went from a horrible murder, to Omar joining the Ninja Turtles in a span of three gotta love the randomness of the Zu-Ray Convo. :-)

Omar = Ninja Turtle
Originally uploaded by djkibblesnbits.

DISCLAIMER: This is in no way, shape, or form, an insult to Omar or any of his Ninja Turtle brothers...:-D After all, he bagged Barbie! :-)


Blogger Zulay said...

I would like to defend my name in this blog, and say that I never meant for this to be taken out of context.

:-* sorry mizm :-P

3:36 PM  
Blogger djkibblesnbits said...

This convo was NOT "taken out of context," thank you very much. The entire convo is right here for everyone to read. :-p

It is what it is; a Zu-Ray Convo. :-)

3:56 PM  
Blogger Nima said...

LOL yes well random things are usually out of context...but that's where the funny shit comes from.

In the space of three minutes...I bet I can beat that. Hell I have beaten that.

One thing though: don't tell me you're against gay relationships? Or are you?

7:53 PM  
Blogger djkibblesnbits said...

Nima, I'm sure it would be pretty interesting to see what other convos come up during those random-ass times. I trust that there are plenty of other convos that we could come up with that would far surpass the randomness of this one. This one just happened to happen today, lol.

As for the gay thing, nah, I don't have anything against gay people at all. Basically, I stick to the whole, "whatever tickles your pickle," policy where, quite frankly, I really don't care what sexual orientation you are. I don't judge people based on that. Actually, one of my big qualms with the Bush Administration is its whole policy surrounding sexual orientation. I HATE the fact that there's a double standard. No matter what way you swing, you're entitled to the same right as everyone else...

...But that still doesn't take away from the fact that G.I. Joe still got with Barbie, lol. :-)

8:14 PM  
Blogger Ivy said...

HAHAHAHA. that was a funny conversation. you guys sounded like ur on crack.. :P

9:40 PM  

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