Word of Advice: Don't Drive in NYC

I hate driving in New York.

No, I really don't think you understand. I HATE driving in New York.

Between the lack of parking, the boatloads of traffic, the stupid drivers, potholes, exorbitant tolls, and arrogant "yeah, just try and hit me, bitch" pedestrians, city driving sure ain't Sunday driving. Every time you get on the road, it's like "survival mode" in a video game or something, where each time you get to your destination safe and sound and without a major dent in your car is a blessing. (If only I could get the Konami Code to work in real life...)

Now, I love driving. As many mishaps I've gotten into over the years, I still enjoy hopping into my car and driving through an empty stretch of road. (Who doesn't?) It's exhilarating and is great for the soul. But driving in New York is a different type of animal altogether. Unless it's after 10 PM, driving in the city can be a test of courage. You can't relax and drive in New York; you always have to be on the defensive. And unless you want to fall victim to an accident or a bout of road rage, you better damn well be aggressive while you're at it. It's like New York drivers smell blood, and the second they see the fear in your eyes when trying to hop onto a high-speed, high-volume, two-lane highway, they'll make sure to pull some stupid ass stunt trick just to get around you. My motto for driving in New York is, "It's all about ME," because, seriously, that's how New Yorkers drive. They drive as if they are the only f'ing car on the road, despite the fact there's about 3 million other people right next to them that feel the same way.

So, I avoid driving whenever I can. Most of the time, I just take advantage of mass transit to get from place to place. Occasionally, I'll drive during the weekends and on weeknights when there aren't that many cars on the road, but outside of that, you'll never catch me driving around during rush hour in the city. Not unless I'm particularly dying to get a headache that day. Still, even without the traffic, you still have to watch out for peanuthead drivers who seem to forget that there are other vehicles on the road.

Case in point: this past Sunday, I was driving around in the Bronx, dropping off a friend on a block not too far from my house, when, as I'm going down a street, some guy in a Hummer (an H3) decided to pull out of his parking spot without looking over his shoulder, and slammed right into me. Now, thankfully, he was going less than 10 MPH, so it wasn't a serious accident, but he caused enough damage on my left rear door to keep it from opening properly. The collision created a dent deep and wide enough to affect the locking mechanism of the door. Now, I got out the car to see the damage, and the first thing out of the dude's mouth was, "I didn't do THAT!"

I couldn't believe the audacity this dude had. He hits me with his big ass SUV, and then has the nerve to say that his collision didn't cause a dent that was in the perfect shape of the Hummer grill on my rear door. Naturally, I let him have it. After about 10 minutes of going back and forth, arguing over whether or not he was responsible (get this: he actually said that the dent was there BEFORE the collision. As in, he saw the car before he crashed into me. Which left him open to, "well, if you saw my car that well, why the fuck did you decide to crash into me!?"), people from around the neighborhood started weighing in on the event. Some people came out of nowhere to say that "he didn't do that damage to the car," while others said that they saw the whole thing. Eventually, the guy caved in after he saw that I knew my shit and was able to explain, point for point, just how his Hummer damaged my car, and admitted fault. Naturally, he didn't want to involve the cops or the insurance companies, so he offered to pay for the damage out of pocket. I have to meet him this coming weekend to get the car's dents repaired. I have all of his vital information, however, so, if he wants to play hardball, I can do that, too.

Now, this whole situation could've been averted if he had just looked over his shoulder as he was coming out of his parking spot. Instead however, he decided to play the "it's all about ME" card and well, I got hit. Of course, the mofo's Hummer didn't suffer any noticeable damage from the collision. If it had been a smaller car, my car would not have suffered the same kind of damage, especially considering it was a sub-10 MPH collision. But, naturally, there are people in this world that just gotta have the big trucks, and people like me get screwed over.

Until the dents are repaired, I don't even want to drive my car. I'll just keep it chillin' on the street in its parking spot, waiting till the weekend comes when I can get everything good as new again. But no matter what, once again, New York has claimed yet another stupid accident created by yet another of its ignorant drivers.

Grrrrrrrrr...

(By the way... the driver? A bus driver for the MTA. Wonderful thought that the lives of mass transit customers are in his hands.)