Rhetorical WD-40

Gotta get ready to oil up the joints, because The Coffee Break is officially coming back! All will be explained in due time. Just update your RSS feeds and stay tuned. :-D

Okay... So... What the Hell Was I Going to Write About?

I'm at a loss for words. Can you believe it? ME?! At a "loss for words?!"

Yes, folks. I have no idea what the hell to write about. Partly because I really don't know where to begin. See, it's been so long since I last posted on here, that a shitload of things have happened since my last entry. (Ironic, considering that the last entry focused in on my being, "Lost...")

Let's start things off on a simple note... Happy Turkey Day, everybody. I hope your Thanksgiving went well, and you were able to stuff yourself with good food. And, even if the food wasn't good, I hope that the very least you were able to cash in on some of these wonderful Black Friday sales. (Man, it's Christmas time already!! Where the hell did the time go?)

Since the last time I wrote on here... let's see...

1) I'm doing alright at work... not as good as I'd hoped I'd be doing, but I'm still confident that things will pan out real soon...

2) I traveled up to Syracuse... and found out that I aged 5 years in a matter of 5 months... (AKA: I now need five days of recovery time for every one day of heavy drinking)

3) I literally aged another year on the 17th... Happy Birthday to meeeee...

4) Season 3 of LOST ended after 6 episodes... Now we gotta wait 15 weeks for another episode...

5) Got the news that my ex is 9-months pregnant... and she wants me to be the Godfather...


Lemme 'splain that last one... For starters, the kid ain't mine. Let's get that one out the way riiiight now....

Apparently, my former high school sweetheart, Evelyn, got pregnant and is expecting a baby girl any day now. The father of the child has been extremely supportive, and looks like he's sticking with Evelyn for the long haul, which is great to hear, especially in this day and age. Eve broke the news to me in an IM convo about two weeks ago, saying that she was not only pregnant, but that she was nine months pregnant. The fact that she had a bun in the oven didn't surprise me, but what did surprise me was how late she was. Now don't get me wrong... I'm not saying that she gets around or anything like that for me to not be surprised by her pregnancy. It's just that I kinda foresaw it happening a while ago now. When she told me that she had to tell me something, the first thing that popped into my head was, "yeah, she's pregnant." Dunno why, but I already knew.

This "Godfather" stuff is rather interesting, though. Eve asked me to be the kid's Godfather, which, I don't mind doing, but I don't know about you, but, if you were her boyfriend, wouldn't you have a slight issue with your girlfriend's ex being directly involved in your newborn's life? I mean, does anyone see a slight conflict of interest (that's a nice way of putting it...) in this situation? Shit, I feel awkward, never mind the dude...

She's due on December 10th, which is right around the corner. I still don't know how I feel about the entire situation, but considering there's absolutely nothing I can do about it, I think I've resigned to accepting it for what it is, and will just be supportive of Eve throughout this whole thing. But shit man... what a whopper of a change! A friggin' kid! WTF?!

On a lighter note, I told Nelson about the news, and he was like, "well, that's one less girl from your past that you have a chance getting back with..."

. . . . . .

Well, I'll be updating over the next couple of days to try and catch up with shit. I have interesting little tidbits coming up... including a botched foursome that's so tragic, it's hilarious. Holla back!

Getting Lost Watching "LOST"

Alright, I think the people behind LOST have officially lost their minds.

Never mind what happened during last night's episode, but did anyone see the previews for the next two episodes? Did you actually SEE what was on that video screen of the infamous hatch?!



What the fuck is THAT doing in there?

Last week, I remember telling someone that with the way LOST is this season, the survivors of of Oceanic Flight 801 might as well be on fucking Mars.. I thought I was exagerrating, though...

Little by little, it looks like LOST might be "losing" some viewers, especially with the route the show has taken thus far during this season. Then again, as I realized a couple of months ago when I saw all of Season 2 in one shot when it came out on DVD, maybe we won't really appreciate this season for what it is until we all get to see it at once, as opposed to having to wait three months to have a plot twist fully revealed.

But seriously, Season 3 is even more nuts than the first two seasons combined... and we haven't even gotten deep into it yet!

This Is My Blog On Drugs...Any Questions?

I don't know if anyone caught that program, "The World's Most Dangerous Drug" that was on earlier this evening on the National Geographic Channel, but man, that shit was pretty serious. The show, which came on before LOST (seriously, is it me, or is that show getting even moreridiculous?), discussed at length the crystal meth epidemic that's taking over the country at an alarming rate. Now, over the years, I've read various articles and stories about the growing influence of meth on Americans, but this was the first time that I've ever seen the issue discussed at length on a television program. It's fucking crazy just how awful that drug is to people. It makes the crack epidemic of the 80's look like a fucking day at band camp. Let's not even get into the addictive effects of the drug, which is right up there in terms of potency with crack... have you seen what this drug can do to someone, physically, over a period of time? In a period of 9 months of heavy use, you'll see people undergo vast transformations, where they look like they just set foot into a time chamber and aged 20 years, losing their teeth in the process. It's crazy, man.

From my understanding, meth is nothing new out on the West Coast, but here on the East Coast, the drug is beginning to take hold in the impoverished areas of the east and nearby army bases. Washington D.C, for example, is seeing a major spike in use and in production, but yet at the same time, no one out here is even talking about it. Seriously, we need to get on the ball with this shit. Fuck these stupid ass commercials we all see on TV dealing with marijuana (Who could forget the anti-weed commercial that equated buying weed to supporting terrorism.. yeah, right.). Let's get kids talking about meth. Show these kids the pictures of an average meth user's teeth, and I swear, those overly self-conscious kids will never even want to THINK of using that drug ever in their fucking life.

If you have kids, or deal with kids, let 'em know just how bad this stuff is. And for my college people, I swear, if you ever hear someone say, "man, I wanna try meth," do us all a favor and smack the living crap out of them.

This is a Coffee Break PSA.

Training Complete

It only took 5 days of actual pitching, but I got my closed my first account today. I popped my cherry!! :-) Now, let's if I can do it again... and again... and again... and again...

As I've gotten more familiar with the firm and the product that I'm selling, I've realized that all the doubts that I initially had about working here when I first started two weeks ago have been completely eradicated. After getting phone calls from satisfied clients and constant support and feedback from the firm's partners and my fellow co-workers, it's finally safe to say that I do not work in the "Boiler Room." Far from it, actually. I now feel a lot better about where I work, and am proud to say that I'm a contributing member of the firm.

And so, with that said, my training/trial period at the firm is now complete. I can now say with conviction that I am a "Marketing Consultant..."

I wonder how well that title's going to go with the ladies... ;-)

Super Case of the Mondays

All was good. Here I was, driving around, striking up a casual conversation with the fiance of my dreams, getting ready to hit up the town for some Saturday morning shopping, cracking jokes, stealing quick thigh grabs, and just enjoying life. All was good. I had a Kool-Aid smile from ear to ear...

And then I heard my cell phone alarm. "RIIINNNNNGGGGGGGGG"

Suddenly, I realized I wasn't driving around with my "fiance," nor was it a Saturday morning. Hell, I wasn't even happy. The sad fact that it was Monday smacked me in the face. Fuck that whole "Is It Monday Yet," mantra being spewed out by those NFL Monday Night Football Fanatics. It's more like, "Is It Friday Yet?"

Yes, I have a Case of the Mondays, and man, I must say that now that I'm in the so-called "real world," it sucks ass. See, Mondays sucked before in college, but at the very least, I never felt too far removed from the craziness that was Thursday night. Now, the only thing I have to look forward to on a Thursday night is my bed, especially after working from 9AM to 8PM.

Do I miss college? Maybe, just maybe...

Hopefully I can get a paycheck large enough to get euphoric about the "real world" at some point, but until then...

"Is It Friday Yet?"

So High You Can Touch the Sky, Eh?

Now this story is freaking hilarious.

Apparently, Canadian troops in Afghanistan have run into a rather interesting problem during their search for Taliban militants...

WEED.

Yes, folks, the Canadians have a marijuana problem. (So what else is new?) ("Problem? What problem, ey?") According to the folks at CNN and Yahoo News, Canadian troops have encountered vast fields of ganja in Afghanistan, with some plants being as high as 10-ft tall (no pun intended). The vast weed fields provide great cover for Taliban insurgents. The troops tried to burn the fields down, but then they decided to stop when it became apparent that the troops doing the burning enjoyed their duties a little too much, if you know what I mean...

You can check out the story for yourself right here

Sign It Already!!

Yesterday, I was finally given the opportunity at work to start making major money. After a week of lead generation over the phone, the firm gave me a chance to start busting out new accounts and getting my commissions up and running. So, how did I do? Well, by the firm's standards, I did incredibly well, but by my own, I fell short. I wanted to be able to walk out the office with money in my pocket as a result of completed contracts, but instead, I was only able to get people just verbally agree to the terms I set for them; I need them to sign faxed-over contracts on their end in order to seal the deal. Today, I got some more contracts sent out to potential customers, but thus far, I haven't gotten a single one to sign. I swear, I just want to fucking slap these people with my phone and be like, "hurry up, bitch and sign this fucking contract!!! Grow some fucking balls!!!!" Man, these guys need to get with the program. I got bills to pay, homie, and I need to get the ball rolling on my whole "debt-free in a year" plan. Grrr.

With everyday that I spend in this place, I feel that I'm changing, little by little. I feel like I'm actually becoming more aggressive, more straight to the point. I remember last week, during one of my little chats with the bosses, I was told that I'd start to notice little changes here and there, like I'd start winning the remote control more and more or I'd tell more people to play "hide and go fuck themself." (hard to imagine me doing that anymore than I already have) Now, I don't know about the whole "remote control" thing, especially considering I've got my own television set to use at my own leisure, but I do notice that I've begun to regard every conversation I have with strangers in the same manner that I would treat a conversation with a potential customer over the phone: like a game. A game of words and delivery, to be exact. It's kind of hard to explain, but let's just say that I can steer conversations to just about anywhere I want them to... certainly a useful skill to have as a single, 20-something male in New York City... ;-)

. . . . .

We had an interesting scare today, though it certainly turned out to be rather tragic. We got word around 2 o'clock in the afternoon that an airplane hit a building in Manhattan... and being that my office is about two blocks away from the hole in the ground we call the World Trade Center, naturally, people assumed the worst. Thankfully, the plane crash wasn't anything even remotely close to anything that happened on 9/11, but it was certainly tragic, nonetheless. Cory Lidle, a Yankee pitcher, was flying a small plane and crashed it into a high-rise condo buidling on the Upper East Side of Manhattan, killing himself and one other person in the process. It really is a horrible tragedy, and something that, in this city obsessed with baseball stats, trades, and championships, really reminds us all about what's really important.

On a lighter note, one of my co-workers was in the middle of a pitch with a customer over the phone, and mentioned to the customer, "man, I'm sitting here, pitching you this product, scared out of my mind, because a plane just crashed into a building in New York, but yet, you know why I'm still here? Because I care about my cusotmers! So, buy our product. You won't be disappointed."

Ah yes. Just another day in the Boiler Room.

Oh, and FYI... the customer didn't buy the BS. I guess New Yorkers used up the "sympathy juice" a long time ago.