Monday, September 27, 2004

Latte Jokes...

For those of ya'll that remember about how much I used to bitch and moan about working at Starbucks (or the 'Fucks, as I so lovingly call it), the latest revelation might come as a complete surprise to you...

I actually ENJOY and LOOK FORWARD to working there now.

Sure, there are the L.I.B's that drop in all the time, or the ridiculous lack of space that angers all the baristas at the SU Starbucks, and the occasional argument with the one or two "bar-hogs" that try to spend their whole shift making drinks and taking the fun out of the job by screaming at people trying to help them out. Nonetheless, the big draw about my working there is the fact that I enjoy the crazy antics that my co-workers and I engage in while on shift. The better part of us have been there working at that location for over a year, and despite being away from the store for an extended period of time, I discovered that when I came back, I had suddenly become one of store's core personalities. With a lot of new faces at the store this year, I was officially replaced as the "newbie" among the partners. Now, I'm the one telling the Starbucks "horror" stories, and giving tips to new hires. Hell, I even see eye to eye with the new manager that took over while I was in London. It's great stuff.

And the best part more waking up at 5:30 in the fucking morning!!! :-D

So, being a partner at Starbucks, there are certain aspects of the job that make you...well..."crazy." As a result, there are plenty of inside jokes that go on within the confines of the Big Green. So...without further ado...

"Heh heh...she ordered a "CAC."

"Damn, I have been cast away to Crap Land, er, uh, I mean 'Frap Land,'"

I'm like French Roast...I'm 'bold and nutty'."

[Writes a "X" on someone's hand] "You're now 'decaf'."

"This has turned into a 'Venti-sized' problem."

Customer: "You know, I'm on a diet. I've cut out all the fast-food and high-calorie junk. Can you believe that a Big Mac has 500 calories?"

Barista: "What can we start you with?"

Customer: "Hi, yes, can I have a Grande Strawberries and Cream Frappucino?" [600 calories]

Customer: "I would like to get a Latte at 230 degrees, please."

Barista: "Did you want a beverage or a new addition to the 'Rubbermaid' line of products?"

"It's like getting hit in the face with a bat and then a nice soothing ice pack afterwards." [offical coffee tasting description by yours truly for Colombia Narino Supremo]

Customer: What's with the mermaid in the Starbucks logo? Are you playing off of Moby Dick or something?

Barista: Man, don't believe that corporate mumbo-jumbo. I'll tell you why the mermaid is in the see that Frap mix over there? Well, Howard Schultz has a whole team of them mermaids making that stuff, kinda like Willy Wonka had the Umpah Loompahs doing their thing. He saved them all from Walt Disney and Tom Hanks.


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